Stop the Wild Allegations About Obama

9/24/2009

Now some people have made the speculation that Obama and his cabinet are going around appearing on every major television network whenever he wants, covering up his Kenyan birth and Manchurian Candidate brainwashing at the hands of Al Queda as a youth, subliminally indoctrinating children through his "stay in school speech," and forcing children to sing and dance praises of him like some kind of Kim Jong Il-esque tyrant.

To those people I point out the fact that Obama is actively working to fix the economy, run two wars simultaneously while traveling the nation pushing his health care reform. It seems like this guy has a lot on his plate. Anyone that believes that Obama is doing nothing but going around subversively brainwashing the nation through carefully planned subliminal messages and careful indoctrination of our youth like some kind of modern-day Hitler is living in some kind of fantasy world. It's this kind of tendency to resort to wild conspiracy theories and baseless allegations that have made the GOP look so bad.

No, the far more likely and logical explanation is that PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS INVENTED A MACHINE THAT CAN STOP TIME. That is correct. Now I may not have any "evidence" of this, but just stick with me on this one. President Obama is actively working to fix the economy, run two wars simultaneously while traveling the nation pushing his health care reform AND is appearing on every major television network whenever he wants, covering up his Kenyan birth and Manchurian Candidate brainwashing at the hands of Al Queda as a youth, subliminally indoctrinating children through his "stay in school speech," and forcing children to sing and dance praises of him like some kind of Kim Jong Il-esque tyrant. How can a man accomplish all of that in the same month? Most of us would be lucky if we could do all of that in two years! The answer is obvious, Obama has some kind of a machine that can freeze time, suspending all of humanity --except for him-- in some kind of stasis while he goes around accomplishing all of these things.

Not afraid yet? Well this is what it would look like if President Obama stopped time, broke into your home while everyone was stuck in suspended animation and felt up your wife:



Obviously this is just a speculative image made in photoshop to outline a point, but how can you not be shocked and afraid after looking at it?