My Opinions on Romney: Then vs. Now

Now that Romney has all but gained the Republican nomination for President of the United States in this upcoming election it is time for all us Republicans to get behind this candidate, like him or not, and bolster him to the top come November. True, I've slung a lot of negativity at Romney these last few months in hopes that another candidate would defeat him, but for every critical statement like "I'd rather pay a 12 year old Mexican anchor baby my year's salary to set an M-80 off in my urethra and then let a colony of fire ants have their way with whatever's left of my manhood than see someone as patently unqualified as Mitt Romney win the Presidency (February 15th, 2012)," there's a dozen beaming statements of endorsement like "It looks like I'm going to have to vote for Romney come November (April 19th, 2012)." In other words I've come around to the guy.

In the following post I'm going to juxtapose my comments that were critical of Romney vs. my recent shining comments of our Republican Presidential candidate to show that I am truly behind this guy.

Slightly critical quote:
"Mitt Romney is so out of touch with the average American it's like he's some sort of autistic robot that hails from a distant planet that's made entirely out of money. I don't see any scenario where he wins the majority of blue collar votes (September 26th, 2011)."

Vs. gleaming example of my approval of this candidate:
"I think many Americans will have no problem voting for Mitt Romney come November (April 20th, 2012)."

Harsh but fair observation about Romney:
"Every time this guy opens his mouth it seems like he is trying to compete with Santorum to see who can alienate female voters the quickest. I would go so far as to say that a life-sized cardboard cutout in a 7-11 of Charles Barkley selling Vagasil has a better chance of winning the female vote at this point (February 6th, 2012)."

Vs. Extremely positive endorsement:
"I think that his record on women's rights issues speaks for itself (April 16th, 2012)."

Taken out of context this does seem rather harsh, and taken in context it's also pretty harsh:
"Romney has been trying to drum up support by ritualistically committing political suicide every time he's in front of a microphone by putting on some kind of bizarre Christo-Facsist, Woman-hating Kabuki theater and it's not going to work (March 8th, 2012)."

Vs. What I truly believe:
"I believe the Romney campaign has made a series of very sound political decisions to get to where it is today."

Slightly negative comment:
"Romney flip flops so much you'd think he's a fish out of water. And like that invasive Asian Carp I caught last week, all I want to do is bash his brains in with an oar to help prevent him from continuing to poison America (August 13th, 2011)."

Vs. Beaming praise of our future Republican nominee:
"Romney's change of heart on a variety of subjects shows a certain level of maturity, and I believe his varying stances will make him appealing even to Liberal voters (April 18th, 2011)."

A little rough:
"The Romney Presidency would be a bigger abortion than the one his parents should have gotten (June 11th, 2011)."

Vs. How I feel now:
"Mitt Romney is a candidate for the Presidency in 2012 (April 14th, 2012)."

Extremely harsh but still warranted criticism:
"The only way I will vote for Mitt Romney is if he uses his Mormon witchcraft to curse me, causing me to vote for him against my will, at which point, faced with the knowledge that I've just voted for Romney, I will fling myself out a tenth story window and plunge to my horrible death (April 9th, 2012)."

Vs. My current opinion:
"Yes, I'm planning on voting for Mitt Romney (April 10th, 2012)."

So hopefully this clears a few things up about my stance on Mitt Romney: I support the man fully for the Presidency and plan on voting for him in November, unless Chris Christie jumps into the race.

If Rick Santorum believes something enough it becomes real

As the year 2012 marches on and the three remaining legitimate candidates for the GOP nomination work overtime to round up the remaining delegates needed to win, just about anything can be said in hopes of rounding up a few more votes. As the candidates loosen their collars to appeal to working class voters in Ohio, build up their religious faith to voters in Oklahoma, and talk about savagely beating a young black boy to death with a mattock handle and dumping the body in a river to appeal to Southern voters, we here at award-eligible Wash O'Hanley Show will be taking an in-depth and hard-hitting look at everything these candidates say. As Romney, Santorum and Gingrich try to drum up support by ritualistically committing political suicide every time they're in front of a microphone by putting on some kind of bizarre Christo-Facsist, Woman-hating Kabuki theater, the real victims are the American people, too lazy and/or stupid to look up the facts for themselves and too trusting to look past the vague half-truths and see them as blatant lies being spouted to scare them into an anti-incumbent frenzy.

At a campaign stop last month in Colombia, Missouri, Presidential candidate and right-wing performance artist Rick Santorum made a shocking statement about euthanasia in the Netherlands:

Quote:

“In the Netherlands, people wear different bracelets if they are elderly. And the bracelet is: ‘Do not euthanize me.’ Because they have voluntary euthanasia in the Netherlands but half of the people who are euthanized — ten percent of all deaths in the Netherlands — half of those people are enthanized involuntarily at hospitals because they are older and sick. And so elderly people in the Netherlands don’t go to the hospital. They go to another country, because they are afraid, because of budget purposes, they will not come out of that hospital if they go in there with sickness.” -Rick Santorum, February 3rd, 2012.

Involuntary euthanasia! Mass slaughterings of the elderly! Bracelets that beg doctors not to euthanize you (note: 'Do Not Euthanize Me' bracelets are not a non-douchey substitute to a 'Livestrong' bracelet)! All of this would be especially horrific if even one solitary syllable were actually based in any kind of fact that we as humans have agreed via thousands of years of society as being fact what so ever. As it turns out, according to The Washington Post, absolutely none of what The Frothy One said is even close to being true:

Quote:

Under the Dutch law, a doctor must diagnose the illness as incurable and the patient must have full control of his or her mental faculties. The patient must voluntarily and repeatedly request the procedure, and another doctor must provide a written opinion agreeing with the diagnosis. After the death, a commission made up of a doctor, a jurist and an ethical expert also are required to verify that the requirements for euthanasia have been met.

The article goes on to state that even Santorum's numbers about 10% of the Dutch population dying annually from euthanasia and 50% of those being involuntary are also bogus.

Folks, it would be easy for us to cast stones at this man and question him on why he would use such blatant falsehoods as fact to gain support for his political campaign, but what would that accomplish? Ruin his campaign by exposing how dangerously incompetent and unfit this man truly is to run for office? As a Christian I am always looking to forgive the sinner and underneath this story of shocking lies, pathetic pandering, and a frothy mixture of anal lubrication and feces, there has to be an answer.

Meet Santorum spokeswoman and pre-op tranny Alice Stewart, who so eloquently explained:

Quote:

"A lot of these things... it's just what's in his heart.

Case closed. Although credit is also due to the reporter in the video, who kept his composure and didn't bludgeon Stewart to death with his microphone after hearing her answer. Kudos. You see, in the race for the most important position of power in the entire solar system, it's not the "facts" that matter-- it's what's in the candidate's heart. What he believes to be true is all that matters, and really, isn't the ability to conceive of horrible things and then present them as horrible and take a stand against them a far greater measuring stick of a candidate's aptitude for this job than anything else?

I am personally appalled that in England, in order to keep Christian populations down, Christian couples are limited to only having one child, and if they have a second child it is sold to Vietnamese longshoremen. In an increasingly secular and anti-Christian society under Barack Obama, this could very well be a reality if Christians everywhere don't do something to stop it.

Now granted, none of what I just said is even close to being true and the majority of it is some nonsense I heard an inebriated wino screaming in a dumpster behind the liquor store last night, but isn't it really reassuring that I am vehemently opposed to selling Christian babies to Vietnamese longshoremen? To me it doesn't matter that in the Netherlands elderly people aren't forced into euthanasia against their will under socialized medicine, the fact that Prick Santorum is against that idea is really all that matters to me. The fact that Santorum would stand up against a system that would send elderly people to their deaths against their will lets me know that this man has theoretical morals. That this man has theoretical values. That this man will stand up for what is theoretically just.

As long as you believe in your heart that evils theoretically exist and you are theoretically willing to do anything you can to fight them, you are also theoretically a good and noble person.

I have spent a lot of time with Mr. Santorum over the years and I have gotten to know him quite well. During this campaign a lot has been said about his social beliefs and many have questioned if someone with beliefs as radical as his is fit to run the White House. On many social issues he is aligned with the Conservative right: he opposes gay marriage, abortion, the welfare state, and the exclusion of Christian rhetoric from our government discourse. In many other regards, though, his positions seem "out-there," dated, and archaic: he opposes sex outside of marriage, he opposes sex for any purpose other than procreation, he opposes sex, as President he wants to ban pornography, and he rejects the use of legal contraceptives. Many have questioned the sanity of someone that is willing to take on the legality of pornography, contraceptives or teens sticking their penises in any hole they can stick their penises inside of. These are tired debates that happened decades ago and are now looked on with disappointment as having taken place in an era of sexual repression by a bunch of prudes. Knowing Santorum, however, I can say this isn't the case.

Rick Santorum opposes pornography because young women in the Czech Republic are regularly abducted off the streets and forced to perform in hot girl-on-girl action against their wills. If America does not ban the production, sale and consumption of pornography this could be a very real threat on the streets of our American towns. Even though there is absolutely no evidence that this happens in the Czech Republic, doesn't Rick Santorum sound like a really nice guy with real values for opposing such an awful theoretical human rights violation?

Likewise, Rick Santorum opposes the use of contraception because lax drug policies have allowed cheap Cambodian knock-offs of popular birth control pills to flood the French markets where thousands of young women have had their uterus unexpectedly shrivel up and eject from their body through their vagina like an escape pod launching out of a space ship. Now, before you throw your birth control pills out the window in rage it should be noted that not one instance of a uterus being launched out of a woman's body like a human cannonball circus act has been reported in France, but the mere fact that Rick Santorum would think this up and then be against it has to be reassuring to woman's health advocates the world over.

After the legalization of gay marriage in Argentina in 2010, it has been socially acceptable for roving gangs of homosexuals to hunt down anyone who opposes gay marriage, tear off their penis, and use it to make a traditional native fertility figurine. If gay marriage is legalized in the USA the same will happen. Even though absolutely no evidence of any kind, whether it be legal document or even local legend exists to back that story up, isn't it good to know Rick Santorum is willing to enact laws to ensure roving gangs of homosexuals won't tear off your penis and use it to make an offering to Chiconahui? What a great guy!

The same can be said for the Bible. When taken as literal fact aren't the stories of the Bible a little... out there? Certainly. But it doesn't make them feel any less real. Did God really destroy the city of Sodom and Gomorrah in a rain of fire? Did Noah really gather two of every animal and travel the seas after a great flood? Did Jesus Christ really heal lepers, turn water into wine and walk on water? Logically the stories make little sense in a modern world of science and reason, but in a world of imagination and wonder --the world Rick Santorum occupies-- they all make perfect sense. Maybe the stories of the Bible are just parables meant to shape our lives and teach us how to be better people, but that doesn't make them less real.
 
Maybe that is how we should interpret the Rick Santorum Presidential candidacy. The things Rick Santorum say aren't meant to be taken as absolute fact, for they harken from an antiquated time that has little resemblance to our own. This is not a time that can be measured in A.D. or B.C. No, it is its own parallel time that runs independent of our own. A time called "B.S."

In B.S. the things Rick Santorum say make perfect sense as both a reminder of how to live our lives and a literal record for things that have happened. Perhaps in our time a Cambodian birth control pill won't cause your uterus to rip out of your vagina like the alien from Alien, but in B.S. that actually happened! In B.S. all the horrible things that Rick Santorum (and Lyndon LaRouche) can come up with actually happened and Rick Santorum stood up against them. Rick Santorum is theoretically a really nice guy.

To some Rick Santorum may seem like a completely batshit nuts, douchebag, fascist, conspiracy theorist whose entire life mission is to dictate what goes in and out of every female's reproductive orifice in the United States while popularizing his own brand of frigid Christian sexual morality that has reduced him to the sad husk of a clearly repressed "man." (Try watching Rick and his wife have sex some time, it's like two people of below-average sexual attractiveness plank on top of each other. Wait... what am I saying "like?" [Also, if Rick Santorum asks you to film him and his wife doing it, just say no: I fell for that three times]) But to those of us who -see- him, who -understand- him, he is so much more. He is a truly great man who has an active imagination, but ultimately wants what's best for for the world. Maybe he makes things up, but in that imaginary world that he occupies called "B.S." he has always been on the side for what is right, and when it comes to voting for a President, isn't that what it's all about? Well, that and whether or not you want to have a beer with the guy.

Support Joseph Kony!

SUPPORT JOSEPH KONY
"Everything Joseph Kony has done has its foundations in the Bible and these attacks against him are also an attack against all Christians. You cannot be a Christian and not support Joseph Kony." -Wash O'Hanley, Conservative Radio Pundit, Author, Social Commentator, American and Christian Hero

Joseph Kony is a Ugandan hero and a friend of all Christians everywhere. Since the 1980's, Kony, the leader of his own army called the "Lord's Resistance Army," has worked tirelessly in his efforts to rid Central Africa of Muslims and bring about a theocracy that is based on the Ten Commandments.

Joseph Kony is currently being unfairly chastised by our Godless Liberal media as being some kind of inhuman monster. They say he abducts children and forces them into a life of fighting or sex-servitude. I know this is not true for I have known Joseph Kony for many years and consider him to be a close personal friend of mine. I hope that the following will convince you that Joseph Kony is not nearly as bad as the media has painted him to be. Joseph Kony is as True a Christian as they come and all Christians around the world must stand up against this injustice against one of our brothers.

An attack again Joseph Kony is an attack against the Christian faith.

Some facts about Joseph Kony:

• Joseph Kony has been known to be so serious about his love of God that once a year he travels to the top of a mountain in Uganda and lies in quiet prayer in the hot sun for days at a time while termites devour his skin.
• Joseph Kony is on a crusade for God and his son, Jesus Christ, and has been known to paint crosses on his soldier's chests to prevent them from being struck by bullets (because only the lord can protect you from harm. [Psalms 121:7])

Joseph Kony and the Lord's Resistance Army are Christians who believe in Democracy and Freedom:

Quote:

God is the one helping us in the bush. That’s why we created this name, Lord’s Resistance Army. And people always ask us, are we fighting for the Ten Commandments of God. That is true – because the Ten Commandments of God is the constitution that God has given to the people of the world. -Vincent Otti (Former Deputy-Leader of the LRA)

According to Secretary for External Affairs and Mobilisation, James Obita, the purpose of the LRA is to:

• To fight for the immediate restoration of competitive multi-party democracy in Uganda.
• To see an end to gross violation of human rights and dignity of Ugandans.
• To ensure the restoration of peace and security in Uganda.
• To ensure unity, sovereignty and economic prosperity beneficial to all Ugandans
• To bring to an end to the repressive policy of deliberate marginalization of groups of people who may not agree with the National Resistance Army's ideology.

Ensuring Democracy, ending human rights violations, restoring peace, ensuring unity and ending marginalization of minorities? Does that sound familiar? It sounds like the goals of the United States as well. Joseph Kony loves freedom, democracy and America and even went so far as to name one of his sons George Bush, after America's greatest President.

You cannot be a Christian and not support Joseph Kony

Common misconceptions about the LRA:

Q: Does the LRA commit acts of violence against their enemies?
A: Of course, they are an army. However, it is important to note that most of their supposed crimes have been greatly exaggerated.

Q: Does the LRA use child soldiers?
A: Yes, but it's important to remember that no where in the Bible is the use of child soldiers either expressly condemned or condoned. From a Christian Biblical context there is absolutely nothing wrong with the use of children soldiers in a war.

Q: Does the LRA kidnap young girls and use them as sex slaves?
A: Yes, however it is important to remember that the Holy Bible is extremely pro-slavery and has numerous pro-slavery verses and chapters. Take Deuteronomy 21: 10-14 for example:

Quote:

When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and the LORD thy God hath delivered them into thine hands, and thou hast taken them captive, And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife; Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house, and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails; And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife. And it shall be, if thou have no delight in her, then thou shalt let her go whither she will; but thou shalt not sell her at all for money, thou shalt not make merchandise of her, because thou hast humbled her.

According to the Bible there is nothing wrong with taking a female slave for the purposes of sex.

Joseph Kony: translating the Old Testament into our modern world

By Biblical standards Joseph Kony is hardly an inhuman killing machine...
Instead he is quite the contrary. Joseph Kony is painted as a monster by our Liberal media, yet if he'd been leading the Lord's Resistance Army in the Old Testament days our children would be learning about him as a hero in their Sunday School classes. By all Biblical accounts and standards he has done nothing wrong! Take, for example, the war between Moses and the Midianites in Numbers 31. After the sons of Israel defeated the armies of the Midianites, sacked their cities and slayed their kings, God DEMANDED that they kill all the male children of the town and all the women who were not virgins and to take all the virgin girls for themselves.


Joseph Kony is being unfairly persecuted by those who hate God and wish to persecute us for our beliefs. By the standards of the Holy Bible, where we derive all that is right and wrong, Joseph Kony has done absolutely nothing wrong. He has in fact worked constantly and totally in accordance with God's perfect word. Christians everywhere, from all countries, must rise up together and stand united for our persecuted brother. BEING A CHRISTIAN MEANS SUPPORTING JOSEPH KONY!


Take the pledge with me. Together we can stop this persecution and blatant intolerance towards Joseph Kony and other Christians around the world. Reply to this post by saying "I AM A CHRISTIAN AND I SUPPORT JOSEPH KONY!" So that everyone around the world can see that Christians will not stand for this attack on our religion.


"I AM A CHRISTIAN AND I SUPPORT JOSEPH KONY!" -Wash O'Hanley (3/11/12)

Memories of 4th of July's Past

Tomorrow is July 4th and all Americans, regardless of race, religion or political background will take the time to reflect on that which makes America the greatest country in the world. As we light the BBQs, play ball with the kids in the park and watch fireworks we will be reminded of the incredible feats countless Americans overcame to create this great nation, and the sacrifices so many have made to preserve it. The 4th of July holds a special place in the heart of every American and today I'd like to take a moment to talk about one 4th that has stood above all the rest in my mind.

It was the summer of '61 and my parents sent me down to McComb, Mississippi, to stay with my Uncle Charlie. Uncle Charlie was a salty fellow. He swore worse than a sailor and always seemed to be covered in grease of an unknown origin, but deep down he had a kind heart and truly cared for my cousins and I. I remember he'd pull out that handkerchief, blackened from the grease stains of a thousand days, and whip his hands with it as he spit yellow check-juice through his front teeth onto the dusty Mississippi ground. He liked people to think he was a tough customer, but deep down he was a big softy.

I don't think I ever told anybody but growing up I thought Uncle Charlie was the finest man that ever lived.

It was a hot and dry summer, much like the one we're in now. With the fire risk at dangerous levels that summer, fireworks displays were banned in the tri-county area and it looked like all hope was lost for having a real 4th of July. We moped around for days at the thought of missing out on that fireworks display and couldn't seem to muster up enough energy to go do the things boys our age normally did in the summer months like play in the creek or go for a bike ride. It seemed like all was lost.

Uncle Charlie, he noticed we just weren't the same and he knew why. When the 4th rolled around we could barely get ourselves out of bed. Mid-day rolled around and us boys were still in bed, trying to make it through the miserable day without getting up when Old Uncle Charlie came bursting through the bedroom door and shouted at us to "GET OUTTA BED, YA HEAR? GET OUTTA BED!" We whined and complained but he wasn't having any of it and soon the sheets were ripped off the beds and we had no choice but to get up and get dressed.

After a quick meal we were in his old Ford pickup heading down a dirt road through some farmland to a destination we didn't know. He pulled up in front of an old rundown shack in the middle of nowhere where some ancient-looking man in overalls sat rocking back and forth in a rocking chair cradling a shotgun in his lap as an equally lazy-looking smell hound sat with its head dropped over the top step like a sack of onions placed carelessly on the side of the porch. Uncle Charlie went up to the man and after a spell they went inside while us boys sat in the car and swatted at the flies and other various insect-life.

After about fifteen minutes Uncle Charlie comes out carrying a burlap sack full of oblong objects and tosses it in the bed, producing a hollow THUD. We didn't ask him what was in the bag because we all knew he wouldn't tell us, but based on that stupid grin he had on his face we knew we'd enjoy it. After a quick trip back into town that produced strawberry ice-cream cones for everyone we headed back home where Aunt Mavis had prepared BBQ chicken, corn on the cob, fresh lemonade and strawberry shortcakes.

These gestures were all nice but it still didn't make up for the fact there'd be no fireworks this 4th. The boys and I played grab-ass in the backyard as the sun retired over the horizon and made the sky a gradient of blues and purples and oranges. Uncle Charlie sat there at the picnic table the whole time chewing on a long piece of grass with that same stupid grin still painted across his face. Eventually rose from his spot with great effort and made his way to the pickup, pulling that burlap sack from the bed. We gathered 'round instantly and looking down into the void of that bag as he held it open for us. Fireworks. That's right, Fireworks.

He took us out into a field not too far and we shot them off. For about five minutes or so it felt like we were watching one of those big-city fireworks shows we'd seen before. When we ran out we weren't sad because we all appreciated what he'd done for us. We rode in that pickup with the same stupid grins plastered on our face as Old Uncle Charlie. It was truly the greatest 4th of July any of us would ever experience.

We all thanked him modestly, the way a young boy might, not getting too excited, but deep down I knew that day Uncle Charlie was the most generous man in the world and I was truly a lucky boy to have this man as my momma's brother.

What happened next is pretty vague and images and memories come in and out, sometimes without context or explanation. I hope I can remember it thoroughly...

As we come up on the road we normally turned on to get to Uncle Charlie's he keeps going straight and about ten or fifteen miles down the road he finally takes a turn onto this bumpy dirt path. None of us said anything until about six miles down the road when we'd probably been thrown into the air by the ruts and potholes in this road no fewer'n sixty times.

"Where we goin', Uncle Charlie?" I asked.
"You'll see" he replied with that stupid grin.

Something happened next, but I just can't quite remember it clearly.

We pull up at this gate in the woods and he gets out and opens it, drives us through, gets out again and closes it behind us, then gets back in and continues down the road. 'Bout maybe two more miles we come to this big clearing and all the sudden we see maybe fifty or sixty cars and two or three hundred people all sitting around on picnic blankets and what-not, all illuminated by candles and other lights. We get out and Charlie leads us down to an open spot and sits us down among the masses. We don't know what's going on but we all have a good feeling that we're about to see something we won't ever forget.

Why were we at this place? Why'd Charlie take us to this clearing? I can't remember any more. And where'd Charlie go? He must have headed off somewhere at some point when none of us were paying attention.

OH NO! It's all coming back to me!

Soon enough a great hush fell over the crowd. We look around, not quite sure what's going on. On the blanket next to us the teenage couple stop necking and start looking off toward the top of the hill on the edge of this clearing we're all sitting around. So we turned and watched the damnedest thing I ever saw, which at the time I had no explanation for, as a couple of hooded guys come out holding this black boy no older than 17. He's crying and has snot running down his nose looking all kinds of pitiful. So we look at each other and shrug cause we don't have the slightest idea what is going on, but we keep watching, hoping to find out. At this point the hooded guys put a noose around this boy's neck and make him stand on a log and then tighten the noose over a branch. The boy keeps crying and the hooded guy makes this proclamation that has vanished into my memory at this time and when he's done the whole crowd is hooting and shouting at this boy. Meanwhile my cousins and I still have no idea what's going on but we're hooting and shouting along just because we felt like that was the right thing to do in that situation. So once the hooting and shouting reaches a crescendo one of the hooded guys kicks the log out from under the boy and he falls a foot or so and then just hangs there by his neck. He keeps twitching and such, I learned later in life it was probably because they didn't drop him from high enough and he was slowly choking to death rather than instantly dying from having his neck broken. So as he's twitching and writhing around these hooded guys start dowsing him in what was presumably lighter fluid and then set this guy on fire in front of all of us and at this point everyone is shouting and cheering and such.

Oh God, they killed that boy! They hanged him and they set him on fire. And... and... more is coming back to me... Uncle Charlie was one of those hooded men.

My cousins and I didn't know what to feel or how to interpret what we'd just witnessed, but I think we all knew we now had a profound life experience that linked us all, no matter where life took us. We walked back to the truck in silence, waiting for us there was Uncle Charlie. We didn't speak at all on the way back to the house and a few days later my parents came and picked me up and took me home.

I never saw Uncle Charlie again. A few months later my mom said he went back to college, which I thought was odd considering his age and lack of high school education. She told us we'd see him again when he got his degree in 15-20 years, but about two years later he died when a fellow classmate shanked him in a History of 19th Century Irish Poetry class.

Wow, looking back at that as an adult, come to think of it, Uncle Charlie was a terrible person. Wow, I really misread him as a kid, didn't I? Geeze, this really puts a damper on this holiday for me.