Gay Man Makes Positive Choice: Kills Self

In what is being called by many Christians around America as the first example of a homosexual making a good decision, a young man from New Jersey jumped off a bridge to his death last week after video of him being gay was released on the internet.

Reporting from Hackensack, N.J. —
The New Jersey attorney general's office is reviewing the case of a Rutgers University freshman who jumped from the George Washington Bridge last week after images of him having sex with another man were broadcast on the Internet, and will decide whether to prosecute the incident as a bias crime, a spokesman said Thursday. (More)

 I think it goes without saying that it is news like this that every True Christian™ around America wants to wake up and read every day. As we learn in Leviticus 20:13: If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. What does this young man's suicide mean? It means that at least some homosexuals are finally taking responsibility for their actions and punishing themselves in a manner that is fitting to God.

Although in his short-sightedness the young man decided to take his own life, a horrific sin almost as bad as homosexuality, rather than choosing the more positive route of letting his school friends stone him to death, but given the circumstances I think we (all Christians around the world) can agree this young man made the right choice.

Homosexuals in the NFL - A Comprehensive List of Gay Players

With the heat of summer now a distant memory and Labor Day now having come and gone, every man across America eagerly awaits as the players of the National Football League march out onto the storied fields in the crisp fall Sunday mornings. Gone are the dog days of summer and with them we can finally stop pretending we care about baseball. Football is America's game and in only a few days we will entertain ourselves with the glorious runs, the razzle-dazzle trick plays, the last second touchdowns and the bone-crushing hits for 22 weeks.

All the men who suit up and take to the field every Sunday afternoon are the epitome of what a real man should be: strong, brave, and fierce. With over 2,000 players on active rosters, practice squads or in free agency, there is always the possibility that there will be at least a few homosexuals. When you work in political media, like I do, you become privy to certain information of a sensitive nature, which I am prepared to share with you all now. Below is an extensive list of suspected homosexuals currently playing in the NFL, as provided by a friend of mine in a high place.

Ray Lewis - Linebacker - Baltimore Ravens



A first round draft choice back in 1996, Lewis has been the face of the Ravens franchise since they moved from Cleveland to Baltimore. During his 14 year NFL career he's amassed 1,770 tackles, 36.5 sacks and 28 interceptions. He's also an 11 time Pro-Bowler and the Most Valuable Player of Super Bowl XXXV. Lewis is considered by most football historians to be the greatest inside linebacker in the history of professional football. In the debate of who the greatest inside linebacker of all time is there are no question marks, but many question marks surround Ray's personal life off the field.

The Evidence:

• Coaches say his ability to penetrate is second to none.
• Considering how many tackles he has, one can only assume he really likes touching men.
• Watches Will & Grace at his locker to get pumped up before games.
• Spends an unusual amount of time working out.

Carson Palmer - Quarterback - Cincinnati Bengals



The former number 1 overall pick has transformed the Bengals from the biggest laughing stock in the league to a contender in the AFC North. During his tenure as Cincinnati's starting quarterback he has proven to be an efficient game manager with a great arm and superior accuracy. While he claims to be straight and has a wife and two kids, one can only wonder if his portrait of happy marital life is just a front he puts on to fool people into thinking he's not gay.

The Evidence:

• When meeting new people he often says "I'm a tiger" while growling and pantomime-scratching.
• Wears his uniform in public when not playing football.
• Led the league in butt-slaps in 2009.
• Is described as one of the most accurate passers in the league with the capability to fit the ball into really tight spaces, which begs the question of what other things he can fit in tight spaces.

Al Harris - Cornerback - Green Bay Packers



The dominant defensive back for the Packers has long been known for his in-your-face style of play and dominant shut down abilities. Known as one of the most physical corners in the NFL, could he also be physical off the field?

The Evidence:

• Was flagged for an illegal use of the hands penalty inside a Green Bay grocery store in April.
• Spends more time working on his hair than studying opposing offenses.
• Participates in the celebratory dances of other teams.
• Shares a hotel room with a teammate during away games.

Vernon Davis - Tight End - San Francisco 49ers



Seen as a bust early in his career, Vernon Davis came into his own during the 2009 campaign and proved himself to be one of the most dominant tight ends in the game; getting invited to his first Pro Bowl along the way. Davis has been known for his volatile personality which has gotten him into trouble in the past, but is he doing things off the field that could also get him in trouble?

• Majored in Studio Art in college and was an honorary captain of the US Curling Team in the 2010 Winter Olympics.
• Once wore a Cleveland Browns uniform to a game so he wouldn't be wearing the same thing as anyone else.
• When asked by a reporter how he managed to get such good separation from Linebacker Lance Briggs after a game against the Chicago Bears, Davis said "we just needed to spend some time apart."
• Lives and works in San Francisco.

Adrian Peterson - Running Back - Minnesota Vikings



Adrian Peterson has proven himself over the last three seasons as a dominant offensive force and one of the top two running backs in the NFL. In his rookie season he broke the single-game rushing record and holds the record for most yardage earned on the ground in a player's first two years. While on the field he's a freak of nature, the things he does off the field have raised more than a few eyebrows.

The Evidence:

• Racks up huge amounts of yardage on the ground trying to outrun his gay thoughts.
• Is often seen wearing the color purple.
• Has been noted for his ability to find the hole.
• After fumbling 20 times in three years, league sources have said he spent most of the off season working on his ball-handling skills.

Prop 8 Struck Down

8/5/2010

WHAT IS THE POINT OF ME EVEN STAYING MARRIED AT THIS POINT? Marriage is now meaningless, folks. I'm sorry to break it to all of you, but if you're married right now you might as well just tear up your marriage license and go give a handjob to that Mexican guy at the liquor store for five dollars because the sanctity of marriage is no more.

What are we supposed to tell our children? What's going to happen when I am walking my grandchildren down the street and they see two women or two men holding hands? What am I supposed to tell that child? I'm sure that even the youngest of children with even the simplest of cognitive abilities can understand the concept of homosexuality, but what about me? I'm really lazy, and I don't want to be teaching my grand kids all sorts stuff.

Now we have in law a declaration that says as long as there are two consenting adults, it doesn't matter what sex they are: they can get married. Folks, the issue was never about consenting adults of the same sex. Marriage has always been about the relationship between two consenting adults of the same sex: a man and his bride's father. Who's to say at this point that you can't marry your neighbor's dog because your neighbor says it's ok?

But lastly, and most importantly, this is a loss for Democracy. Democracy is the greatest system of government that God ever gave to mankind. In November of 2008 the Christian conservatives and uninformed minority voters of California made it clear that they didn't want gays to be married, and then this activist homosexual judge in San Francisco squashed the will of over 7 million voters with the stroke of a pen. If the will of the majority can no longer be used to determine the rights of the minority what good is Democracy in the first place? I don't want to live in a country where I, a white Christian male, am powerless to decide the fate of racial and sexual minorities.

God Ruins Gay Ski Week With Unseasonable Winter Snowstorm

2/11/2010

VAIL, CO - As hundreds of sodomites descended on the town of Vail for the resort's first ever gay ski week, God's fury was unleashed upon the small city. Throughout the entire week a truly Biblical snowstorm buried the town, effectively ruining the plans the homosexuals had cooked up. By week's end there was nearly 10 inches of fresh snow covering the mountain and city.

Landover Baptist Christians were on hand to protest, but the lousy weather made any protest redundant. "We could stand out here all day and shout at these turd burglars, but I think the storm God has sent will speak louder than any voice or catchy sign," explained BASH Ministry member Wally Holden.

"I think we can all agree that Gay Ski Week was a complete failure," boasted Holden as he looked out on the wintry landscape, covered in a thick layer of new snow from the previous night. "I don't know anyone that would want to go outside in conditions like these!"

Christian persecution was constantly present, as all of the protesters were denied access to the lifts while attempting to bring their message of love (but mostly hate) to the top of the mountain. "This resort has refused to let us ride their chairlifts because we're Christians," shouted enraged protester Jack Johnson. "Actually, it is because we don't allow foot passengers to ride the lifts, and they refused to purchase lift tickets," rebutted a security guard that asked to remain anonymous. The anti-gay protesters were planning on standing across and blocking a section of the Born Free run, one of the most heavily-trafficked parts of the mountain, but decided to instead form a human chain across the entrance to the Riva Bahn chairlift maze. Security was called soon after.

Other problems were encountered as the Christians were unable to tell the gay skiers apart from the straight ones. "Everyone looks gay in ski gear," explained Protester and mother of 14 Mary Shelton, pointing out numerous skiers wearing carefully-chosen matching neon skiing costumes. "When you see someone out on the streets wearing a neon orange coat and a pair of purple pants you know they're gay, but out here it seems to be the norm."

Among the week's festivities was a lesbian wrestling competition, which all the male Christian protesters attended in order to observe what kind of unrighteousness occurs during such a week. "The debauchery on display was startling, I'm surprised God didn't just crush that whole building with all of us inside," protester Nathan Hardgrove said.

"At one point I became so distressed by all the gyrating, pulsating, grabbing, jello, fondling and exposed flesh I accidentally ejaculated in my pants," an ashamed Christian protester who asked to remain anonymous said.

The Christians planned on attending an organized game of "hide the fist" that was being held at a local bar later in the week, but had to miss it due to leaving early. "I'm disappointed to miss that," said Hardgrove. "I'm really good at finding things."

Eventually the Christian protesters had no choice but to seek refuge in a local A&W fast food restaurant as the storm punished the town. "Sodom and Gomorrah, Hurricane Katrina, the Haiti earthquake and now the Vail snowstorm: what do they all have in common? They are all examples of God punishing a Godless society," Christian protester Agnes Washburn exclaimed while eating a tuna melt. "By day's end there will no longer be a Godless city called Vail, Colorado. Praise God!"

Only two days into the Gay Ski Week the Christians had packed up and were on their way back to Iowa. As Holden and his crew were about to drive off he remarked, "Our job was to come out here and try to ruin the good time these gays were going to have, but it's abundantly obvious from the foot of snow God has angrily dumped on this ski resort that these sodomites aren't going to be doing much of anything this week. Let this be a lesson to all ski mountains: if you are planning on having a gay ski week, expect God to ruin it with a foot or more of snow!"

"We can sit here all day and talk about 'weather patterns' and 'seasons' and other nonsense, but the fact of the matter is that it is just too much of a stretch to attribute this snowstorm -which happened during the Gay Ski Week- to coincidence. Vail is not a city known for getting a lot of snow, especially during the month of January, and to have such a major storm occur on the same week that they open the gates to the barbarians is all the evidence we need of God's anger at them," said Dr. Jonathan Edwards, a leading researcher in the field of Levitical Medicine and Landover Baptist Church member.

"You would have to be blind to not see the divine intervention that has occurred this week. There is no doubt GOD sent that blizzard to punish the people of Vail for accepting the homosexual deathstyle," bellowed Pastor Deacon Fred, weighing in on the situation during his Sunday sermon. "I don't know what these queermos are planning to do with a mountain covered in a foot of new snow, [he pauses to laugh for a few seconds] but have fun!"

While there ordinarily is little parking in Vail, during Gay Ski Week there was ample parking in the rear.

Classic Quotes

"Physically attacking homosexuals is a very important part of our religion and making it a hate crime devalues religious faith." -10/25/2009

Sick of Homosexuals

7/9/2009

Normal STRAIGHT people don't want to put up with this minority and their deathstyle choice. Just because you do something doesn't mean I need to tolerate it-- especially when you're doing it where my kids can see it. Back when I lived in Des Moines we had a gay neighbor. Of course we didn't know this or else we would have petitioned the home owners association to kick him out of his home. Anyway, one night my son Butch, who was probably about 17 back then, was robbing this guy's house for meth money and he goes in the guy's bedroom to steal the TV and he sees this guy on the bed with another guy sexually "connected" to him from behind. What kind of example is that setting? What is that saying to the American people? That your kids can no longer break into someone else's home to steal their tv to fund their meth habit without seeing two guys having anal sex?

Classic Quotes

"The Liberal bias of Wikipedia is undeniable. I read the entire Hurricane Katrina page and not once does it present the acceptance of homosexuality as a cause of that disaster." -5/13/2009

A Letter to Embattled Model Carrie Prejean

4/22/2009

Carrie,

Hi, this is Wash O'Hanley. I'm a pretty big radio pundit and local television hero in Iowa and I'm here to give you some advice from one figure in the public eye to another. Radio pundits often say things that get blown out of proportion and made fun of publicly just like you've had your words publicly scrutinized this past week.

A lot of people have made what you've said an issue, something political, and in a way that isn't fair. This was a beauty pageant and you were asked an inherently political question. I just want to be the first person to come to your side and let you know that it isn't your fault. Don't listen to these people because they're all wrong.

A lot of people have probably told you that you have a right to your opinions and that there is nothing wrong with having your beliefs. These people are wrong. Regardless of what anyone tells you-- whether it is someone that you are a close friend with, someone you've never met, your parents or your pastor-- being opposed to same sex marriage DOES make you a bigot. You do not get to mask your bigotry behind a 2,000 year old book and somehow have it not be bigotry. You are a bigot for the things that you said on national television and people are right to make fun of you for it.

A lot of people have come forward in your defense this week to say that what you said wasn't wrong, but as it happens, they are also bigots. In fact, anyone that likes you is probably a bigot. You have been surrounded by bigots your entire life. You said that you were raised to believe what you said on that stage without the slightest hint of irony, as if everything your parents ever taught you were inherently true. I'm also here to explain to you that just because your parents taught you something does not mean it is true. Parents do not have to pass an IQ test to procreate-- in fact, most people that procreate probably couldn't pass an IQ test. Bigots procreate more than any other demographic because there aren't a lot of us out there and we are kind of pitiful people. Unlike people that aren't bigotted that get kicks out of going to craft fairs and farmers markets, bigots like to warp young children's minds. The bigot's favorite past time is sitting his or her son down and teaching them all of the messed up things that they believe. Why do you think that nearly 90% of the homeschoolers out there are bigots?

But before I go any further I think I should explain the context of the word "bigot". A lot of bad people have used the word "bigot" to make people like you and me look bad. "Bigot" isn't a bad word, a naughty word, a hurtful word. Bigot is empowering, and it reminds us of our past. Have you ever wondered why black people can say the "N" word but when I call Bernie Mac that word the day after he died on my show I get slapped with a hefty FCC fine? Bigot is a disgusting and hurtful word used against people like you and I just because we hate certain people for little to no reason. But when you turn that term around on its head it loses its power, but enables us to never forget the challenges that our bigoted ancestors faced.

Bigots carry many burdens, the greatest of which is being made fun of. But not only in your own time will you be made fun of. Because your bigotry was caught on tape and is now on youtube. Mass media has always been the greatest enemy of the bigot and the portable cell phone camera is our arch nemesis. Your bigotry is going to last through the ages. Like our grandfathers that were filmed standing up to the injustice of equal rights for black people and are now used for stock footage in Civil Rights documentaries-- you too are going to be laughed at repeatedly in 40-50 years. Some day gays are going to have the same rights as heterosexuals regardless of how hard people like you and I publicly embarass ourselves on national television crying about it. And when those gays have the same rights as us there are going to be documentaries made about their struggles (probably made by gay people) and footage of you on that stage at the Miss USA Pagaent is going to be shown and people are going to laugh at you just like they laugh at the people that protested James Meredith at his first day of school at Ole' Miss.

Stand strong, Carrie, and never let the hate out of your heart.

Sincerely,
Washburn 'Big Tex' Rutherford O'Hanley III aka Wash O'Hanley

Classic Quotes

"It's hard for me to wake up and pull myself out of bed every morning, bathe and shave, clothe myself, eat 7 egg McGriddles at participating McDonalds restaurants and put on my daily program when two men or two women are legally able to get married. I hope that the voters will rise up and put an end to this nonsense so we can get back on with our lives" -4/7/2009

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry: A chilling and accurate look into the greed-filled world of homosexuality.

7/20/2007

Folks, I have been seeing commercials for this new horror movie starring Adam Sandler and Chris Farley called "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry". It is apparently about two straight fire fighters who pretend to be a gay couple in order to take advantage of financial benefits given to gays. Some have already dismissed this movie of being offensive and unrealistic about the gay community but I am here to say once and for all that the world of homosexuality is nothing more than a sham put on to make financial gain.

Based on my own personal experiences I can confidently say that no man could possibly be attracted to another man and therefore the act of being "gay" is merely a stunt and a choice by two people that likely don't even love each other. Blinded by greed and sodomy these "people" will drive themselves to commit disgusting and lurid acts such as butt sex and eating brunch. Just to clarify; when I say "my own personal experiences" I mean "I looked at a picture of George Clooney without his shirt on and wasn't attracted so it is therefore impossible for any man to be attracted to any other man". End of debate.

I applaud these film makers for exposing the sick truth behind the sick and degenerate world of homosexuality, which is nothing more than common criminals pretending to love each other to figuratively sodomize America's generosity in much the same manner that they sodomize children.