"If Wash O'Hanley didn't cover it, it probably wasn't that important anyway."

Sunday, October 17, 2010

International Halloween Candy Burning 2010


Greetings in Jesus Holy Name!

Landover Baptist Church is pleased to announce our first annual International Halloween Candy Burning 2010. Shout GLORY!!

Brothers and sisters in Christ, it doesn't take a Bible scholar like me to see that America has turned its back on God. Everywhere we look, our society has become increasingly Godless and morally decadent. What used to be a nation founded on the commandments of God Almighty has slowly been turned over to the hands of the ultra liberals, the sodomites and the Godmockers.

Every year millions of children around America do the devil's work and go "trick-or-treating," and many of them never come home. There is no denying that Halloween is the most dangerous holiday celebrated in America. Satanists/Wiccans and child murderers use this holiday as an excuse to do their dark deeds, putting your child at risk every time they ring a doorbell and ask for a candied treat. Degenerate child-molesting homersexurals use Halloween as an excuse to dress up in women's clothing and rape your children! So what can we do as believers? Sit back and watch as the country we so love goes down the drain?

Halloween is Lucifer's birthday and candy is his currency. It is the favorite day of the year for Democrats, homersexurals, sex pedophiles and atheist-Muslims. And it is a proven fact that witches cast spells over all the Halloween candy sold in the world. To show these scum that we are serious about Salvation®, we will burn their precious Halloween candy on the night of October 31st until they cease this wicked celebration of the Devil! Please join us in Proverbs Park on Sunday, October 31st for food, fun and games that culminate in the immolation of a massive pile of confiscated Halloween candy. Hopefully the flames will reach so high they will be seen in Washington! Christians may be a persecuted minority in America but we have a voice! Stand up to wicked America and burn their idols until they beg us to stop!

Festivities include:
  • 6:00pm - Anti-Halloween Parade (No costumes allowed!)
  • 6:30pm - Winner of 2010 Landover Baptist Witch Hunt announced
  • 7:00pm - Dunk the queer / Screening of Christian horror movie classic "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (2003)
  • 7:45pm - Obama effigy burning
  • 8:15pm - Bible Memorization Recital (ages 4-7)
  • 9:00pm - Halloween Candy Burning

Unless Halloween is officially canceled and outlawed in the United States, Landover Baptist Church will buy up all the candy in the Central Iowa region and burn it just to show the world that we are not afraid of satan!


  1. This is has got to be a joke. Witches cast spells over all the Halloween candy! Haha, your funny!

  2. You need a psychiatrist. Not a psychologist. You are going to need some drugs. Wtf is wrong with you?!!