What if I told you there is a person in these United States this very moment who has a very important and prestigious job? Many, many people rely on this person to show up for this job every single day. Whether this person is sick or tired or hung over this job is so important that this person needs to suck it up and drag their butt into work every day because of the gravity of this job. This is a job that requires common sense, dedication, commitment, empathy, determination, and the ability to sometimes look past your own opinions to see the greater wisdom in decisions that need to be made.
What if I told you the person who holds this job hasn't been doing their job lately? They haven't even been half-assing it. This person has flat-out stopped trying. Do you think it's fair that this person gets to hold this lucrative job while so many fellow Americans are without one?
What if I told you this person hadn't been in to work in nearly two weeks, without so much as a phone call? Do you think that you, Dear Reader, would be able to hold your Sales Associate position at PetCo if you decided to take an unannounced two-week vacation without so much as calling a single person? So how do you feel when I tell you that this person isn't going to lose their job?
You may no longer believe that I am talking about a real person, for this description I've provided is so incredibly outrageous that surely no person, no matter what position, would be able to hold on to their job after showing such an utter lack of respect for the dignity of the position or for the responsibilities that having such a position would entail. However, I assure you that this person exists in the manner that I have described.
It should come as no surprise to you that I am talking about a politician in our very own Government, a system so corrupt and morally bankrupt that someone of such poor moral fiber would be able to slip through the cracks totally unnoticed... or maybe no one cared to notice. I think the real question, though, is how much longer are we, the American populous, going to let our elected officials spit in our faces before we finally do something about them? And it is at this point that I feel that it is necessary to finally reveal the name of the heinous vagabond for which this topic is dedicated...
The person to which I have described in detail above is none other than United States Representative Gabrielle Giffords (D) of Arizona. It should come as no surprise to my Patriotic Conservative® readers that this lazy Democrat has, for the past fortnight, made absolutely no effort to show up to work. Even worse, my inside sources have informed me that not only has she refused to make so much as a phone call explaining herself, but has also not left her bed during this time.
At this point the actions of selfish Liberals should no longer shock us, but even for a seasoned newsman like myself I find it hard to fathom this level of negligence towards one's duties.
Folks, this woman is not a hard-working American like you or I. She has no blue collars among the pant-suits in her closet. She has never tasted the sting of sweat in her eyes from a hard day's work at the baby food/rat poison factory like you have. Yet she feels entitled to a day off. Where's your day off? I say that until Gabrielle Giffords goes back to work, Conservative Patriotic Ameri-Hero-Cans™ shouldn't have to work either. That is why starting tomorrow I'm calling on all my faithful listeners and readers to stand up to Democratic tyranny and shout:
It's time Conservatives stopped turning a blind eye to this fat-cattery and big-wiggery among the Democratic left and took a stand. Maybe if enough people don't show up for work during the coming days Mrs. Giffords will see just how important a little hard work and dedication to your job really is. I want to hear it shouted from the rooftops, I want to see written in chalk in the streets, I want every True Christian(TM) Conservative to post those very words in this topic this very instant!!!
Who knows, maybe it'll compel her to turn off those re-runs of [i]How I Met Your Mother[/i] and finally get out of bed and maybe, just maybe, do a little work (you know, that thing she was elected to do). I doubt it.
May God be with us,
Washburn 'Big Tex' Rutherford O'Hanley III (Southeastern Iowa's #3 most trusted voice in political news and punditry)