"If Wash O'Hanley didn't cover it, it probably wasn't that important anyway."

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Nativity Story - Beyond Comprehension!

Folks, I took the family recently to see "The Nativity Story" thinking that no Jewish plot to ruin America and Christianity could have made its way into the celuloid reels of a motion picture version of the birth of our Lord and Savior. I thought the "film" would be nothing more than a live-action version of the nativities that we always see in front of churches, people's homes and (rightfully so) on government or city property where people of all faiths can enjoy it and reflect on how amazing Christmas is (Jews celebrate Christmas, right?).

With all that said, I enjoyed the movie, but there wasn't a lot to say about it... it was pretty much just a well done version of every church Christmas play I've ever seen. What really cheesed me off was as I was about to give the film a 10/10 rating on imbd.com I noticed on the message boards for the film, the discussion was dominated by talks to the lead actress, 16 year old Kiesha Castle-Hughes, being pregnant. Of course I thought this was all just further discussion about the film's content and thought nothing of it as I opened the topic to continue reading and possibly give some insight, seeing as how I am Freehold's most respected pundit.

It was to my horror, as I began reading, that the discussion was not about the Virgin Mary (played by Kiesha Castle-Hughes) being pregnant, but in fact, the 16 year old actress herself!

I vomited with rage onto my keyboard and monitor (and then got a sponge to clean it up). It turns out the young actress and her 19 year old boyfriend "got jiggy wit it" (as the teens would say) and created their own messiah. Of course, this child is not of God, but of Lucifer him self’s bloodline! To say the least, I changed my grade of the movie from a good one to a bad one in light of these new developments. Changed all my posts on the forums about how this was the "best movie since The Passion" to "the worst movie since White Chicks" and even went so far as to scrub my children's eyes with rubbing alcohol (I don't know what good that did, but I enjoyed doing it).

Additionally, I sent a nasty letter to New Line Cinema about how I would never pay to see another movie again. This of course is a huge blow to them and their income because as a Christian I pay to see in the theaters and on video a combined 1.5 movies per year annually (rounded up). If these smut peddlers think they can cast Queen of the Whores, Kiesha Castle-Hughes in a film about the birth of Jesus then they have another thing coming. Why don't they just cast Paris Hilton in a role too? In fact they should of, she might have classed the whole operation up a little in the face of such overwhelming debauchery that was resonating from the void between Ms. (and I use the term lightly) Hughes' legs!

Folks, this whole having children out of wedlock fad has no place in Christmas. Kiesha Castle-Hughes, wandering around in the desert with a bastard child in her belly during the Christmas season while the father is no where to be seen reminds me of someone... who is it?? Oh well, I can't remember, but I assure you that the person I am thinking of was a whore. I'm just so sick and tired of these Liberal conspiracies to destroy marriage and Christmas rearing their ugly heads during this most holy of holidays. Now if you'll excuse me, the kids and I were making a clean, family-friendly nativity scene in our living room from old wooden figures that have been in the family for years. I believe the last one we had to put out was the Virgin Mary.

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