"If Wash O'Hanley didn't cover it, it probably wasn't that important anyway."

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The StimulusMachine 9,000


I don't know what everyone is complaining about. Do not the greatest poets work on an empty stomach? Without the great depression we wouldn't have things that we enjoy today like the board game monopoly and stock black and white footage of people waiting in food lines. If the rest of these cry babies aren't going to get off their unemployed butts and invent something I'll just have to do it for them-- and I did!

Introducing the StimulusMachine 9,000. Developed by Wash O'Hanley and several unnamed Republican Senators (not Arlen Specter), the StimulusMachine 9,000 is prefect for any home or office. The StimulusMachine 9,000 is the ultimate alternative to the wasteful Liberal Stimulus Package. Use the StimulusMachine 9,000 to answer all of your financial questions. What does the StimulusMachine 9,000 do? How do I work the StimulusMachine 9,000? These are all stupid questions but I will field them anyway.

Step one: Plug the StimulusMachine 9,000 into any wall jack.
Step two: Realize the StimulusMachine 9,000 is a box with a power cord sticking out of it.
Step three: No refunds after Step one.
Step four: Realize you've just plugged a box into a wall and stop lamenting that you lost your job as a corperate executive, give up all hope you'll ever make more than your old 100k salary and get a job at McDonalds, fag.

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