"If Wash O'Hanley didn't cover it, it probably wasn't that important anyway."

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Wash on Ground Zero Mosque


Jeb. Now I know some thick-skulled Liberal nimrods are gonna say that us Conservatives have no business making a fuss over what goes on in Jew York City since we don't come from there, hate everyone that does, and have never even so much as visited the state that bears its name, and to be honest, all of that is true. Now I know us Conservative (True) Americans don't give two hoots about the City of New York since it isn't a part of the Real America, but Gosh darnitt, it's still part of America; just like Puerto Rico, Guantanamo Bay and Iraq. Now if New York City were to all the sudden be swept away in a giant tidal wave like in so many disaster movies (which all had black people playing the president, I remind you) I doubt any of us would even notice, and to be frank, I don't think anyone would care after they did. But while New York may be like the strange male cousin we all have who played with Barbies growing up and has brought the same male "roommate" to Thanksgiving for the last 5 years it is still a part of this country, just not a really important part like, say, West Virginia or Montana, and we cannot sit idly by as it gets taken over by the Muslim infestation.

Now I don't know about the rest of you but it sounds like, from this article Jeb has posted that this isn't going to be just another Muslim Community Center where a bunch of old towel heads sit around chanting "death to America" while playing Bingo and watching episodes of the Lawrence Welk show.

The glass-and-steel building - which would also include a 500-seat performing arts venue, a swimming pool and a basketball court - would be built two blocks from the World Trade Center site, in the old Burlington Coat Factory.
A performing arts venue? A swimming pool? A basketball court? No sir, this doesn't sound at all like a community center, unless you consider beheading American citizens on camera to be "performance art." The only community these "people" are trying to build is a terrorist one! These Moose-limbs are gonna go right down to the streets, pluck up young and impressionable children and then train them in their state-of-the-art terrorist training complex right in the heart of New York City, and we cannot let that happen!

Isn't it obvious, folks? This is the new wave of Islamo-fascist fundamentalist terrorism-- and it's completely home-grown! These terrorists are planning on destroying America from the inside, by hijacking not our planes, but our institutions, and not by destroying our buildings, but by destroying the fabric of what made America such a great nation. Sure a performing arts center and a basketball court and a swimming pool sound harmless enough, but think about the unspeakable evil that will result in giving this technology to Islamic fundamentalists, who, due to living in barren deserted hellscapes, have up until this point been unable to enrich such technology on their own land.

The only reason Muslims don't participate in swimming competitions is because they lack the infrastructure to build something like a swimming pool. With access to swimming pools young Muslim men will become a force in the world of competitive swimming. I mean, who would want to compete against a guy strapped with 10 pounds of C4? They'll win every race and take away swimming dominance on a global setting from the Americans. Pretty soon all the records for Olympic Swimming are going to be held by some guy named Al'Michael Siad Phelps-Bashir, and if you thought it was scary having to worry about catching AIDS in a public swimming pool, consider how scary it would be to catch Islam! Although, for fair measure, Marco-Polo will be a lot funner with the introduction of roadside bombs.

The theater is one of America's strongest cultural institutions and the art of film making was born in the streets of our fair cities. Heed my warning when I tell you that exposing fundamentalist Muslims to such a powerful medium as performing arts will be catastrophic for America. Becoming masters of the craft of acting, the terrorists will infiltrate our society, gain our trust, and then destroy us from the inside out-- all while scooping up every Emmy, Oscar and Tony award along the way! And if you thought Halle Berry's Oscar speech was bad, just wait until Osama Bin Laden wins Best Actor in a Leading Role for his portrayal of Henry IV and his acceptance speech is him in front of a cave wall reading a manifesto for two and a half hours. They'll try to cut him off with the Orchestra but insurgents will have the conductor hostage with a sword to his throat! The only good thing that will come out of the evening is Joan Rivers being blown up by an IED after putting Osama on her worst-dressed list ("I guess I would've also thought that turban went with those robes if I had been living in a cave for the last 10 years").

But perhaps most startling is what access to basketball will do to fundamentalist Islam and America. America is a force in Basketball and it is no wonder why; just listen to any post-game interview with a basketball player that was on the winning team and they will paint the picture perfectly for you. "I want to thank God for letting us win" they will often say. Of course they are talking about the Christian God and of course, by winning the game they have proven that the God of the Christian Bible is the one and only true God. America currently possesses the greatest arsenal of human beings whose sole purpose in life is to throw a basketball through a hoop and get paid millions of dollars to do so. But the average day for a professional basketball isn't just shooting a ball through a hoop. In fact, practicing only takes up a small percentage of their daily activities. While they are immensely talented, consider how much better American basketball players would be if all they did 24/7 was play basketball instead of drinking Hennessy "up in da club" while their penis penetrates a myriad of underage up-and-coming super model vagina. They would be unstoppable. Known for their tireless work-ethic, reverence of authority and blind acceptance of orders, Muslim basketball players will quickly rise to the top in the basketball world. While our basketball players will spend their off season snorting lines of coke off the rear ends of Dominican prostitutes and working on crappy rap albums their Muslim counterparts will work tirelessly to improve their shooting average and half-court defense. Within a few seasons the Muslim basketball team that will come out of this new community center will dominate the league and in every post game interview who will they thank for giving them the strength to put a thorough beat down on their American rivals? Allah. By letting Muslims have access to basketball courts we are in danger of proving that Islam is the one true religion.

With the combination of swimming, acting and basketball training under their belts our new home-grown Muslim extremists will be unstoppable as they take to the streets of America, laying waste to our off-Broadway acting venues and midnight basketball tournaments. Without sounding like an alarmist that has resorted to hyperbole: I fear that there will be no America within 4 years of this Muslim Community Center being build, and as Americans we need to do everything in our power to making sure it never gets built.

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