"If Wash O'Hanley didn't cover it, it probably wasn't that important anyway."

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Wash Debates Bible's Authenticity


"How can you belive something just because a book says so?" -Mr. Fool
What would the authors have to gain by making a forgery? What would the alleged human authors, as you believe (in lieu of God, which we believe to be true), possibly have to gain by writing a book such as the Bible as complete fiction? What could they possibly achieve by writing such an outrageous tome that includes talking burning bushes, people turning into pillars of salt, dead bodies being reanimated and a man turning water into wine? Either all of those things happened, and the Bible has divine authorship, or they didn't and the Bible was written by a bunch of ancient tent-dwelling middle eastern goat-herders that would let their goats pee on their faces to fulfill some sick sexual fantasy. Now you have to consider what is more likely: a man walking across a very deep body of water or someone making up a story about a man walking across a deep body of water (for no reason). I, and all of the Christians in the world, believe that the former is the more feasible option.

Likewise you must consider all works of the written word in this equation. What purpose would J.K. Rowling have in making up the world of Harry Potter? What is in it for her to make up the magical world of Hogwarts with all of its interesting characters and page-turning adventure that has captivated readers both young and old? There is nothing in it for her to make up a story like that. Obviously the only explanation is that Hogwarts and Harry Potter are real, which is why the United States Government must find Harry Potter and the other witches and wizards of Hogwarts so they can conduct tests on them and utilize their powers in military weapon defense before the radicalized Islamists get to it (to be fair, the halftime stoning of harlots would be a refreshing addition to the game of Quidditch, though). Word on the street is Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is very close to enriching a level one love spell. Once he cracks the magic wand matrix... well I don't have to tell you what's going to happen. Let's just say that the new He Who Shall Not Be Named will have that moniker because it will literally be too hard to pronounce his name.

"Dark Lord Aaban Abdul Allyi Sa'ood Bashir Hujjaya... forget it, we'll call him 'He Who Shall Not Be Named.'"

Many people have laughed at me for getting my "panties in a bunch" over books like Twilight and Harry Potter because, as they say: "they are just works of fiction." But the problem with that is I ACTUALLY BELIEVE THIS STUFF IS REAL! I honestly believe there is a high school in Oregon somewhere that has a lonely girl that is currently in the throes of a tumultuous relationship with a mysterious vampire and a teenage werewolf... and it scares the crap out of me!

As a Christian I must believe every word that is written in every book ever penned, or the Bible means nothing. Otherwise I've just wasted my entire life searching every corner of the globe for Waldo. 

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